


A Moment of Pride

by fifty_fifty



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arthur Pendragon Returns, Boys Kissing, Coffee, Demisexuality, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Modern Era, Past Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pride, Queer Themes, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-18 07:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15480510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fifty_fifty/pseuds/fifty_fifty
Summary: Merlin takes a newly returned Arthur to Starbucks during Pride month. Arthur hasquestions.Awkwardness, Feelings, and realisations ensue.





	A Moment of Pride

**Author's Note:**

  * For [8Verity8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/8Verity8/gifts), [schweet_heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schweet_heart/gifts), [VerdantMoth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VerdantMoth/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts), [Rawks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rawks/gifts).



> I was in London a few weeks back to see _Translations_ , amongst other things, and myself and a friend stopped in a Starbucks that had Pride bunting and flags up, so this whole idea of Merlin having to explain a little bit about Pride to a newly returned Arthur spawned from there. It also seemed to fit well with a prompt over on the Top Arthur/Bottom Merlin discord group. Thank you to the wonderful [Schweet_heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schweet_heart/pseuds/schweet_heart/) for the beta! <3
> 
> And since it's Pride in Brighton this weekend, it seemed fitting to post this story this weekend. Bunting and rainbows and happiness everywhere! Happy Pride, everyone!

Their first stop is Starbucks. Merlin figures somewhere quiet where they can get a hot drink (Arthur's become ridiculously addicted to coffee in the mornings since he returned) and where Arthur can sit and _observe_ for a while will be a good way to start Arthur's first foray into the modern world.

Unfortunately for Merlin things never seem to go as simply as he wants them to, there always has to be some kind of catch or complication. He groans internally and rubs his face with his hand as they step inside and he notices the Pride flag bunting and the big rainbow flag behind the counter. Hopefully, Arthur won't comment on it, and Merlin won't be forced to explain Pride and homosexuality and different sexual orientations to him right now Because Merlin is _not_ ready for that conversation yet.

He orders drinks for both of them and they settle down on an old worn leather sofa (Arthur won't touch the fabric-covered armchairs) near the shop window.

"This is a weird place," says Arthur, looking pointedly at the woman typing on a laptop with several empty cups on the table with her. "Do people really just sit here and drink things all day?"

"Some of them," says Merlin, blowing on his coffee to cool it.

Out the corner of his eye, Merlin sees two men settling down at a table nearby. He notes the way their hands brush against each other before they sit.

"And what's with all these flags and banners, Merlin?" continues Arthur. "Why are there rainbows everywhere? There was a rainbow on the window of some of the other shops we walked past. Is it some kind of special code? A heraldry for the Queen?"

A heraldry for the Queen! Merlin has difficulty smothering a chuckle. The code though… Oh, if only Arthur knew how true that statement was. Merlin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He had always, _always_ promised himself that when Arthur came back he would be truthful about everything. No more secrets, no more lies.

"Sort of," he replies, trying to hedge his bets. "It's more... a flag. A symbol."

"For what?"

"For, uh—the LGBT movement."

"Which is...?"

"Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender."

" _Mer_ lin," says Arthur, warningly. Merlin knows that he wants him to explain things properly. Here goes nothing!

"Lesbians are women who... like other women. Romantically. They don't want to be... intimate with men."

Arthur nods in understanding. Even Merlin remembers the rumours about some women in court that spread rife amongst the servants. Women who chose never to marry and seldom seemed to be in the company of men. He knows that Arthur heard a great deal of the servants gossip too, as it was often repeated by one or two of the knights when they were deep in their cups.

“Gay is more of an umbrella term. It’s used to describe anyone who has is attracted to someone who is the same gender as them. So, lesbians, as I just mentioned, are included in that, but more often it’s used to describe men who only like men... _that way_.” Merlin’s can feel the way his face and ears have heated. He only hopes they’re not bright red, telegraphing his unease with this conversation. “Bisexual, well, ‘bi’ means ‘two’...” Merlin knows it’s not always as simple as that, by any means. For all of this. Gender is so fluid and the terms are not as clear-cut as he's stating them to be. But as far as he’s aware this Arthur’s first introduction to such things and he wants to keep it as easy as possible for a centuries old King to comprehend. “So it means you like two genders. You like men and women, both. And trans is a bit more complicated. I mean, take yourself for example. You’re a man, right?”

“Yes, Merlin. How _observant_ of you.”

Merlin rolls his eyes at him, but continues. “And you feel like you’re a man, right?” Arthur sighs and nods. “Some people don’t feel like that. They feel like what they look like on the outside doesn’t match who they are inside.”

“I think I get it,” says Arthur.

“Great. Well, people who are gay, or bi, or trans, and lots of other sexual or gender identities besides, don’t always find that society understands them, or treats them as well as they should. But it’s getting better. Slowly, but it is. Anyway, the flag represents the pride that we—that these people take in being different and diverse—and how they’re not ashamed of being different, and one month a year there are celebrations on the street and it’s called Pride.”

***

Arthur hums thoughtfully to himself and there’s a long pause between them as he tries to absorb and process everything Merlin’s just told him. Finally, he decides to push forward and break the silence.

“I see. So it’s Pride month now, then?”

Merlin nods and focuses intently on his coffee, avoiding Arthur’s gaze as he gulps it down nervously. Arthur can’t tear his eyes away as they trace the long line of his throat, watching his adam’s apple bob as Merlin swallows.

They’re quiet again for a while, and Arthur takes the time to look at people. He lets his eyes wander around the shop. He freezes when spots the two men nearby who are smiling at each other, watching as one leans over and gives the other a peck on the lips. Is that…? He’s never witnessed two men who dared kiss each other in public before. Such a thing would have been too scandalous to even contemplate in his father’s court and consequently his own. He can’t help it; he has to ask, so that he’s sure.

“So, are those two men gay then?” he asks in a too-loud voice. The two men look over at him and give him a dirty look.

Merlin shushes him. “Yes, probably. But it’s not good manners to yell about it. Just let them be.”

Arthur pouts at Merlin and settles back in the chair again whilst Merlin reads sometime off of the tiny screen of his phone. It’s like one of those computer things, but in miniature. Arthur’s sure Merlin must have shrunk one with his magic.

“I have a question,” Arthur says, more quietly this time, pressing against Merlin’s shoulder. “What if—what if there’s only one person a person wants to... be intimate with? And they aren’t gay or like _normal_ people, because it’s not all persons of that gender, just the one?”

Merlin looks over at him with a frown and pauses for a long moment. “Then I suppose they might be called demisexual, maybe. Why?”

“I’ve always felt like…” Arthur begins, a little hesitantly. “I’ve only really had feelings like that for one person.”

Merlin grins at him. “Gwen’s a lucky lady, then.”

“Not Gwen,” Arthur corrects him and the way that Merlin’s looking at him, completely baffled, makes Arthur pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration as he tries to explain himself. 

Looking back now, he can recognise it for what it was. He had wanted Merlin back then, but that was complicated and difficult. Merlin is _still_ complicated and difficult, but he’s _Merlin_ and things have changed; they’re easier now, apparently. He went with Gwen because she was _similar_ to Merlin. They were both servants, they both stood up to him. She was Merlin’s close friend and he knew her, or at the very least he knew _of her_ over the years as Morgana’s maidservant. 

And she had been so much more approachable than the stuffy noblewomen he had been introduced to by his father, many of whom also didn’t really want him, but were merely pawns in their fathers’ plans to gain favour and status. Arthur hadn’t wanted that. So, because he couldn’t have what he truly wanted (the court would never have accepted a male consort), he had gone with familiarity, similarity, and comfort. 

“Gwen made sense, you know? It was what people expected. I liked her, but I didn’t want to be... _intimate_. I wanted to make her happy because she was my Queen. So we did... we consummated the marriage. And Gwen made sure that we were always together when Gaius said she should be most fertile. But I never really wanted her like that. I loved her, I did, but...”

He feels a hand on his arm, warm and reassuring, and he looks down at it, swallowing hard before meeting Merlin’s eyes.

“It’s okay,” says Merlin with a small smile. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Arthur.”

Arthur smiles at him. Of course he doesn’t. This is Merlin, and Merlin has always known what Arthur means. He’s never required Arthur to be able to put his feelings into words to understand him. It’s a relief to know that no matter how the world has changed all around him, Merlin will always be there. And he will always be _Merlin_. His heart feels full to overflowing, and it’s a bit embarrassing, quite frankly. But Arthur knows he needs to say _something_ , or the moment might be lost to him forever.

“It’s you,” he says simply, just putting out there in a bold, rash move.

Merlin glances over at him. “I’m sorry? I don’t understand.”

“It’s you,” repeats Arthur. “The one person. It’s you.”

Merlin’s eyes go comically large and his mouth drops open a bit before his brow furrows with confusion. “Me?” he asks.

“Don’t make me say it again, Merlin.”

Merlin shakes his head, and a slow, silly grin creeps onto his face. It’s one of those grins that Merlin gives that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I must have misheard, because I thought for a moment you said it was me,” he jokes.

Arthur rolls his eyes. “Merlin, I said _not_ to make me say it again.” Merlin blushes and looks away. Arthur reaches out and with his hand on Merlin’s chin, he tips Merlin’s face back up towards him. “I didn’t realise that such a choice was acceptable back then, I never… In Camelot, it would never have been accepted by the court. But I can see, things are…” He looks over at the table with the two men, who have moved over to a recently vacated sofa and are kissing quite heatedly. “...different here.”

His gaze returns to Merlin’s face, where he’s looking at Arthur with a mixture of fear and anticipation in his clear blue eyes. Merlin darts a glance down at Arthur’s lips momentarily before returning to his eyes as he licks his lips. And Arthur can’t help himself.

“I want to know what it’s like… I want— Can I—?”

He never does finish the sentence, because Merlin fists his hand in Arthur’s t-shirt and pulls him forward, crushing his lips against Arthur’s. “Yes,” he mumbles. “A hundred, thousand times, yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested, you can find out more about the Top/Dom!Arthur/Bottom/Sub!Merlin discord server [here](http://www.thekingschambers-group.tumblr.com).


End file.
